The Matchmaker
by lizconno
Summary: Bella Swan makes her living matching up San Diego's singles. Edward Cullen is her newest client and biggest challenge so far. How many dates will Edward have before Bella realizes she's his perfect match? BxE/AH/OOC/silliness/mature themes/COMPLETE/relocated to TWCS - link above


**disclaimer: The characters are the property of S. Meyer. The story is the property of lizconno. Reproducing in any form is prohibited without the express written consent of lizconno.**

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**Where's the rest of the story? It has been removed from FFn...because FFn sucks.**

**You can download it or read it on TWCS.**

**(Links follow at the end and can be found on my author page)**

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**Chapter One**

Sitting down in front of her office computer, Bella Swan reviewed her next appointment's answers on his compatibility profile. All potential clients were required to complete Love Match's lengthy questionnaire _before_ meeting Bella or paying her retainer. She wasn't going to make that mistake again even if everything had turned out okay in the end…

Ever since Bella was a little girl, she had a knack for fixing up people. It all started after her parents, Charlie and Renee, amicably divorced. Bella had just seen _The Parent Trap_, and the precocious nine-year-old figured she was just as effective as Haley Mills (and her "twin"), if not more so. Employing the devious skills of her older half-brother, Emmett, Bella put in place her plan to force her parents back together. And force them together they did. One afternoon, both Charlie and Renee responded to frenzied calls from their children who claimed they needed rescuing from some non-mentioned evil. The parents, unaware that the other had also received a similar message, hurried to the park nearest the house where Renee now lived with the kids. Once the parents caught sight of one another, Charlie and Renee teamed up to find their missing children. Much to their dismay, the kids had other plans and soon locked them in a storage shed.

At first, Charlie, a detective with the local police force, bellowed that if they weren't released within thirty seconds, the children would be facing _years_ of grounding. But when quiet quickly fell over the park, Bella and Emmett momentarily considered unlocking them until they realized their parents were just as devious as they had been. Bella then informed her parents that she and Emmett were "just doing this for your own good" and that they'd be freed _after_ they kissed and made up. It wasn't that simple, but Bella's meddling set the stage for her parents' reunion, which the four celebrated a year later in a tiny marriage celebration at the La Jolla Cove.

The wedding also served as the impetus for Bella appointing herself as the best matchmaker _ever_. Over the years, Bella successfully fixed up so many friends and family members that Charlie suggested she consider making a life out of it when he became acutely aware of how miserable Bella was an accountant. Bella heeded the advice of her always fiscally conservative father, with whom she enjoyed an incredibly close relationship.

Her parents, who weren't wealthy by any means (Charlie had been appointed Chief of Police for La Mesa, and Renee taught second grade at a La Mesa school), provided her with the seed money that eventually turned into Love Match. Almost ten years later, Bella was the most sought after matchmaker in Southern California and made it her business to know of all of the region's most eligible men and women, even if they weren't clients. Of course, all the singletons of the area wanted her to know of them in hopes they'd one day get the call that Love Match wanted to send them on a date with someone who might be _perfect_for them. It wasn't always profitable to pair a client with a non-client, but Bella wouldn't be doing her job if she let silly little things like money get in the way. Maybe that's why she charged her clients an arm and a leg. She was worth it, after all.

While she scanned through his answers, she made notes in her indecipherable handwriting on a notepad in front of her. After flipping through the scanned pages on her screen, Bella came upon his biographical details. "Hrmm. His hobbies include completing crossword puzzles in pen and covering his body in paint before cheering on his favorite sports teams…" Bella chuckled at the seemingly paradoxical hobbies, which sounded ideal to her, before looking at his profession. Confusion struck Bella – he wrote that he was a teacher. _Surely he meant a professor. How else could he afford to pay your rates?_ Adding this question to her list of notes, Bella felt prepared for her newest challenge – finding a match for Edward Cullen.

~oOo~

Meanwhile, Edward was navigating himself through downtown La Jolla, looking for the small one-way side street on which his GPS told him to turn. The street, once he found it, gave him a clear view of the ocean, which was just hundreds of feet away. At the view, Edward sighed, "This really is some amazing real estate..."

Edward nudged his CLK55 AMG coupe into a tiny space on Coast Boulevard and started looking for the address, which Edward assumed belonged to an office building. Much to Edward's surprise, Love Match's offices were located in a quaint bungalow shielded from the street, but with spectacular panoramic views of the Pacific. The mathematician in him began calculating estimates of what this real estate probably cost and how much of his matchmaking fee subsidized her overhead costs. All he could do was shake his head at the thoughts as the receptionist greeted him.

Ten minutes later, a light tapping on her office door pulled Bella from her head. Even though she had yet to meet or be hired by Mr. Cullen, his answers had intrigued her enough that she started running through the lengthy list of single women she maintained.

Riley poked his head through the opening and informed Bella that her next appointment had arrived. With a quick wave to Riley, Bella rose from her desk and walked to meet Mr. Cullen in the waiting room, all the while never taking her eyes off her pad of notes.

With a formal, clipped tone characteristic of the professional and put-together side she portrayed to the world, Bella greeted him. "It's good to meet you, Mr. Cullen. I'm Isabella Swan, owner and matchmaker of Love Match. If you'd like to follow—"

As the words left her mouth, Bella looked up into his face and momentarily stopped speaking when her mind decided it had other ideas. _Holy fuck is he hot!_ her brain screamed before Bella was able to shake the errant thought from her head and finish her sentence.

"—me, we're going to meet in my office so I can get to know you better and help you find your soul mate."

The momentary pause wasn't lost on Riley, who was observing the exchange from his reception desk; but it was lost on Edward, whose own noggin surprisingly was shouting similar words of physical attraction at him. (Edward had imagined his matchmaker would be a middle-aged, dowdy woman with wiry gray hair and round spectacles framing her eyes.) Nevertheless, the two shook hands and found themselves instantly comforted by the contact.

_It's too bad she's taken_, Edward thought as he noticed the rings on Bella's left hand. _Because something about her just feels like home..._ What Edward didn't know was that the eternity bands circling her ring finger were nothing more than a gift she'd given herself after her first _paid_ match married. Bella, herself a self-proclaimed permanent singleton, wore them to keep creepy men at bay because those seemed to be the only men she attracted.

After pointing towards the two leather chairs arranged in front of her desk, Bella settled herself in her office chair.

"Mr. Cullen—" Bella began before being interrupted.

With a tilt of his head and a smirk, he corrected her. "Edward."

She noticed the crinkling around his eyes and couldn't contain the responding smile that spread across her face. _He's hot, he's got diverse interests and appears smart on paper, and that smirk may be the most adorable thing. Ever! _Lest he wonder why Bella stared at him without saying a word, Bella put back on her game face and continued with her introductory spiel.

"Obviously, Edward, you're here because you need help finding 'the one' and everything you've tried thus far hasn't worked. Let me guess, you've done the online dating thing even, but it's been unfulfilling." Instead of asking the last part, Bella stated it. At least she waited for Edward to confirm the statement before she continued. "Something or someone brought you to me because you know that we'll find your life partner.

"My success rate speaks for itself: 99.5% of my final matches stick together and marry." Bella grimaced as she explained her imperfect record, "One couple divorced because they found they were better as friends than lovers; although, I found them their new spouses, and now both couples are close friends who often travel together."

Impressed, Edward eagerly listened to everything Bella told him. _Even with those kind of stats, I'm sure that with my luck, I'll be the first client she can't match._ Edward's thoughts weren't conducive to the matchmaking process, which he quickly realized, so he erased them from his mind for the time being. But one nagging question wouldn't allow itself to be struck from his consciousness.

"How in the hell does one become a matchmaker?" Edward nervously blurted when Bella took a pause for a breath.

Bella smiled warmly and answered, "My parents have been asking me that for years. It wasn't something I sought; it sought me. I just couldn't _not_ set up the single people around me. It sounds cheesy, but I love love. And what's better than two people in love? Nothing I can think of… So setting people up makes me happy. In the beginning, I did it all based on a feeling – some spidey sense, I guess – I got when I was around someone." A faraway look clouded Bella's eyes while she explained her _how_ to him; Bella had never shared any of the_how_ story with clients before, but Bella could sense that Edward needed to hear it as much as she unexpectedly needed to tell it. "I went to college, majoring in finance, before getting a job as an accountant. All along, I continued to match up people when my spidey sense kicked in. One day, my dad recognized that I was miserable. I opened Love Match in 2002, and the rest, they say, is history."

Regaining her stuffy exterior, Bella resumed getting to know Edward. "Now Edward, I've had a chance to review your profile, but before we begin, I always ask – what brings you to Love Match?"

While Edward shifted uncomfortably in his chair, Bella watched him closely. How he reacted in awkward situations was one of many aspects to Bella's matchmaking process when her spidey sense didn't kick in immediately.

And this situation had suddenly become _very_awkward for Edward. Before beginning, he scratched at his jaw line where stubble had been just an hour earlier. "The simple answer is that I'm tired of being alone, and I don't exactly lead a socially active life." Bella waited for the very handsome man to continue at his own pace. "I've, uh, never been good with women. And, um, I haven't had a girlfriend in almost, um, uh, four years," he stammered as a light blush began to tinge his cheeks. Because of growing embarrassment, the last part he virtually whispered. "It's been even longer since I've had sex."

His head fell into his hands and shook from side to side as Bella gaped at him. Every person had a different reason for utilizing Bella's services, but most employed her when the dating scene had become unfulfilling, not because they weren't successful at meeting people. Bella thought to herself, _There was __**no **__way on this planet that a man who looked like __**that **__has a problem finding women. Or getting laid._

"I didn't always look this put together," Edward mumbled as he continued to hide his face. "I used to wear thick glasses, short-sleeved, button-down shirts with pocket protectors, and polyester pants that never wrinkled. I'm pretty sure my students have always mocked me behind my back."

A mixture of pity and disbelief swirled through Bella's head until Edward continued, meeting her eyes for the first time. "But then my sister, Alice, kicked my ass – literally – and threw out my glasses and wardrobe. She left me with a sore butt, blind, and naked, save the boxers I was wearing. It royally sucked," he huffed as his smirk from earlier returned, and his melancholy subsided.

Bella attempted to keep a straight face, but tears threatened to run down her face. She snorted, "Well then, I guess you're in the right place."

Over the next hour, Bella and Edward talked like a therapist and patient who had had such a relationship for years. It made the whole process easier on Edward. But Bella, who had been smiling and laughing with Edward moments earlier, suddenly stiffened and became very serious.

"Edward, you musn't keep any secrets from me," Bella began solemnly. "I need to know _everything_ about you. Don't hold back anything and don't be embarrassed about anything."

His Adam's apple bobbed when he gulped at what almost sounded like an ominous warning.

"Um, uh, why? I mean, I don't think that's going to be a problem, but you're scaring me a little to be honest."

The look of fear in Edward's eyes was apparent to Bella. She _had_freaked him out a little. _Oops. Tone it down, Bella. There's a reason why you make this warning to each person who strides through that door. And it's a funny reason. So let's just dial it back._

Giggling, Bella began relating the story of why her services can't be employed until after an initial consultation. "When I first started out, I didn't have much of a budget for advertising, so I bought ad space in _TheReader_. My first call came from a woman named Mrs. Biers. She told me about how her son seemed so sad. Apparently, he'd been rather unsuccessful in the relationship department, and she figured that's what caused his sadness. For some reason, I allowed her to hire me over the phone; I took her credit card information and made plans to meet her son, Riley."

"Your assistant?" Edward wondered.

"One in the same. He sort of stuck around, so I put him to good use. But that's not the story!"

"It's not?" Bella shook her head in response because she was laughing too hard. "If it's that funny, you've got to tell me."

Bella hiccupped a few times as she tried to regulate her breathing and cease the guffaws that didn't seem to slow. "Not to toot my own horn, but I've managed to set people up with 'the right one' on the first or second try every single time. Until Riley. That cat out there," Bella threw her thumb in the direction of her office's anteroom, "was _impossible_ to match. I set him up on four unsuccessful dates before I sat him down and had a pow wow."

During that meeting eight years earlier, Riley joined Bella for lunch at her favorite deli, The Smelly Deli, which was centrally located on Fifth and University in Hillcrest. Name aside, the place served the best bagels with lox and cream cheese this side of New York City, and Bella dined there at least once a week. Although she would never admit it, Bella also loved the San Diego landmark because of all the sights and sounds she encountered whenever she was there.

From her regular booth in the back corner, Bella was able to see the hustle and bustle on all four corners of the intersection. It also gave her prime view of Riley as he walked south on Fifth Avenue towards The Smelly Deli. What Bella observed confirmed her suspicions.

Riley caught sight of Bella, who looked regal as she sat in her booth as if it was a throne and she was perched above her adoring subjects.

The two, who had developed a friendship during what was turning into the arduous task of finding Riley a mate, quickly hugged before they settled themselves around the table. While exchanging pleasantries and small talk, Riley perused the menu until he found his favorite deli item – pastrami on rye.

With their orders taken, Bella allowed Riley a few more moments of peace before launching into her reasons for meeting him away from her miniscule office in University City.

"So why do I have the pleasure of lunch with you?" Riley flirtatiously asked with a wide grin and a wink.

Bella wasn't having any of his act. With a tone that was somewhere between stern and accusatory, Bella posed, "Is there something you'd like to share with me?"

A dumbfounded and thoroughly confused Riley stared back at her with his mouth ajar.

Softening her voice a little, Bella continued. "You're going to catch flies if you keep your mouth open. And I have a feeling no man is going to want to kiss that mouth…" Smugly, Bella grinned at Riley; he stuttered something unintelligible until Bella interrupted him. "Yeah, I had a feeling when I struck out with your third match. At first, I was beginning to think that it was me. I mean, I've never been so wrong with one match, let alone three. But it was your little peacock-like prance up Fifth that confirmed my suspicions that you're gay. What I saw is not a sad man whose mom ought to worry about him. That was a confident man out there. That was a man who knows himself."

Riley's mouth popped open and closed like a fish desperate for oxygen. "But, but, but…"

"Riley, it's okay. I'm glad you're gay. Wait, that sounded wrong. Um, wow, this went way better in my head when I figured out what I was going to say to you." Bella's hands, which were luckily shielded from view, shredded her napkin into smaller and smaller pieces as she struggled to get through her speech. "Let me try this again. Deep breath, Bella. Okay, so I'm happy for you, Riley, if you're happy for you.

"I wish you had told me _from the get-go_ that you're gay. We both could've saved ourselves some moments of heart-fail and uncertainty. Okay, the uncertainty was probably mine only, but I think you know what I mean. Plus, you would already be well on your way to that commitment ceremony that I expect to be _in_. So what do you say about starting this matchmaking thing all over again?"

Edward paid close attention to Bella's story; the San Diego native realized _where_ it was heading as soon as she mentioned Hillcrest, which was the city's version of the Castro, San Francisco's gay district. An image of a strutting Riley made Edward chuckle.

"The two of us talked about his hopes and fears, the greatest of which was that his parents would reject him if he came out. So he lived a closeted life for almost 30 years. If I had my way, he almost got to live a closeted _married_ life. Long story short, he came out to his parents who were so excited because they recognized the return of the mischievous spark in their son's eyes, which had been extinguished over 15 years earlier. Everyone insisted that I not return the retainer, which I refund if I'm not successful by the way, and instead asked me to find Riley's match.

"Honestly, I wouldn't have taken the case if I had known that I was matching two men. I wasn't prepared for that, and I didn't know a lot of _single_ gay people. But I knew tons of gay couples, so I went to work. And the _second_ I shook Felix's hand, I felt it in my bones."

Just then, Riley burst into her office. "Don't you dare finish that story!"

"Not going to hap—" Riley playfully covered Bella's mouth and wrestled with her.

Their jovial repartee and Bella's unguarded moment, coupled with his sense that Bella _got_ him, was enough for Edward. His decision was made to hire Bella. Of course, his subconscious brain made the decision the second he shook Bella's hand.

Finally free of Riley's grasp, Bella finished the story that Riley, himself, preferred to tell. "My former neighbors, Eric and Trevor, dragged me to Full Moon, which is a drag queen bar. Anyway, at some point during the evening, I turned towards the front door and watched as this giant drag queen glided past me. She was gorgeous and made me feel like a plain Jane and a schlub all at the same time. Something about her drew me in, and I had to meet her. Two weeks later, Riley and Felix hadn't spent an evening apart since meeting. Another three months later, and they were moving in together."

To Edward, it sounded like an extraordinary, albeit _different_ love story. "Ms. Swan, I'm an open book. And I'm straight, so you don't have worry about that," he chortled. He turned towards Riley when he spoke again. "So what's wrong with the end of the story?"

"She normally describes Felix – or Felicia, as she's known when she's in costume – in embarrassing detail. Let's just say my man had gaudy taste before I was on the scene." Riley shuddered at the image of the 6'8" Felicia in a wig that added three inches to her height, a dress with so much sparkle that it blinded and shoulder pads as big as those worn by football players, and heels made of Lucite.

Edward allowed Riley and Bella to control the conversation until Riley exited himself, leaving Bella and Edward to finish their consultation.

"Well, I'd like to hire you, Ms. Swan, if you think you'd be able to help me."

During their meeting, Bella had considered many women to introduce to Edward. Needless to say, she was sure that she could help Edward, but her curiosity meant he needed to honestly answer one question first.

After a few taps of her pen against her table, Bella responded. "Please call me Bella. I am fairly certain I can help you." Bella paused before narrowing her eyes just a hint and with a pointed tone, wondered, "But would you care to share how you can afford my services?

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**A/N: **

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